Now it is five years ago since I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Every year, on my anniversary, I write a blog entry regarding the experiences of the latest year. Usually, I summarize this experiences in a single-line title, and this year is no different. It's titled would be "I don't want to deal with it".
The outward indications of this fact are that I greatly reduced my participation in any Parkinson's related activities. May it be online or with regards to actual events, I probably spent 10% of the time of previous years on that subject. The inward indications are very different though. For the first time, I noticed a decline of my health. Not by much, but nevertheless!
Once in a while, my left hand, which had been so far not influenced, starts to tingle and goes numb. In addition, if I don't take my Levodopa on time, or if I forget it at all, I start to feel achy and have a problem moving my legs with ease. For clarification though, I still take the same dosage that I used to do 3 years ago. That means one Mirapex ER in the morning at 1.5 mg, one Amantadine in the morning at 100 mg, 2 Levodopas in the morning at 25/100 mg and 2 at noon, also 25/100 mg.
I believe that my lack of participation is directly related to my increase of signs of Parkinson's. Let me explain: The more I expose myself to others with Parkinson's the more I think about it. This in itself raises my stress level as I wonder what the future holds for me. Also there was a serious increase in stress at work. This stress is not related to Parkinson's or to me as a person, but stems from the position that I have in the company and the decisions that I have to make based on it.
On the other hand, I have volunteered to be a test person in various Parkinson's studies, and I like the idea that I contribute a little to the hope of finding a cure, or maybe at least to the identification of what causes this darn illness to occur in the first place.
The result of all of this is the feeling that I am living on borrowed time. How much longer do I have before it gets so bad that I rely on help from others more than just for closing buttons on my shirt and spreading butter on my bread? The rational me knows that it's probably quite a while before that happens. The panicked me thinks otherwise. So, in short, the decrease in outward activities balances with the increase in internal troubles.
Each will make for an interesting Year Six,
Ingo
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